I think we wear our "faith" on our sleeves as a badge and in the process give Christ a bad name. But on the flip, in our efforts to be Relevant, we hide it under the guise of cool. I know myself I worry too much about how everyone sees me and in doing so put the focus in the wrong place. I worry more about looking good to someone than I worry about the actual person.

Also God has been on my heart asking some tough questions. I find myself wondering if I really believe he loves me and forgives me. I say I do in my words, but I let guilt build up and pull me away. I think I can never live up to what I feel God wants me to do because I have screwed up so much.

So yea, I am learning to be loved as well as learning to love.

Relevance

Relevance is a very thin line that we walk. I mean, how do we as followers express our faith and not come off as cheesy and fake? Culture, by a basic definition, simply means "the way we do things around here." Sadly, our culture, based on bad personal experiences and media attention, seeing Christians, ALL Christians as snake oil salesmen and untalented magicians. So, we shun the name Christian and anything that looks like it belongs to the church, but sometimes in the process we end up denying Christ. Not by our lifestyles, but by our mouths. I mean, what is the purpose of doing good and walking steady if we take the credit. We are scared of saying, "It's not me, but Christ in me."

Yeah, it's been over a month since my last post. Been a strange month, with a few changes. I was elected as a Mod over on Relevant, so that was kinda cool. I turned 28, got my tax return and spent it on stuff we actually needed.

My faith has been tested some. I have been reminded of why I need grace just to make it through each day, each hour. Right now I sit here, kinda numb, but a good kind of numb. I am not worried, though I am sure that reasons for worry will arrive soon enough. I just have to believe that Christ will take me through it.

I have started writing again. I have decided to stick to short stories. Oddly enough, it was Stephen King's books that have reawakened my love for writing. King has a great way of bringing stories to life, being both complex and simple all at once.

Nevaeh had a minor surgery to out tubes in her ears on Valentines Day. It's amazing how much of a difference that has made. She has been speaking so much clearer. She is smart, and is already showing a deep love for music. She has natural rhythm, so I know playing an instrument will come easy for her.

Anyway, until next time...

Movin On

Today I heard a song I had not heard in a while. Movin On by Rascal Flatts. I realized alot of that song sums up how I have been feeling. I am just trying to let go of my past and embrace what lies down the road for me. I mean, I can't change it, so why dwell on it, right? There are alot of dreams I have given up and traded for the dreams I am now living. The dreams of a father. Maybe one day I will still make it as a writer or teacher, but for now I just want to provide for my family.

It's late

I have a headache. I think it's the weather getting to me. I come home from work tired and stressed. I really hate the evening shifts. I don't get home till after 10. But, I did get to play with Nevaeh for a while, and she always makes me smile. She is the center of my universe. Being a father really changes everything. You realize you live for something more important than yourself. This little person holds such much power over you. And you love them for it.

cluttered thoughts pt 1

I just got off a 9 hour shift, and I am exhausted. My car blew up yesterday, and is in the shop today. I have spent the last 2 hours thinking about fasting, and wondering if it may be a good idea to help myself become more focused in my walk with God. My daughter is asleep, and my wife is eating cereal. I need to sleep, but I have food in the microwave because even though I am thinking about starting a fast, it will not start tonight.

And now I am taking a deep breath...

Yin and Yang

I hate my job. Problem is, it pays well. I loved my last job. Thing is, I hardly made anything.

See, this is what is bothering me lately. Why can I not have a job I love and make good money doing it? I know life isn't fair, but this has been on my mind lately.

And tonight I am stressed about my job. This week I missed time because of weather. I am worried that they will hold it against me someway. Maybe I am just stressing over nothing. I hope so.